Millionaire Matchmaker: Why so ideal?

The Millionaire Matchmaker is one of Bravo’s top reality TV hits. It has been running since 2008, making the list of one of Bravos’ longest standing reality TV shows alongside Top Chef and Project Runway.  It features Patty Stranger, a “marriage extraordinaire” who runs a marriage agency in Los Angeles that pairs eligible millionaires with the women of their dreams. The entire show revolves around Patty and her team helping these men find “the one.” At the start of every show Patty sits the men down and asks them what they want in a partner as well as their ideal type. She then she tells her bachelor that in order to find "the one," he will have to follow her 5 tips for dating success:

1). Monogamy before sex

2). We’re not just going to pick with our penis

3). You can't be so rigid with a list [of desired traits], because people come in all shapes and sizes, and chemistry is indefinable.

 4.). It's so sad that religion is a deal breaker in most people's lives, but that's the hard fact of reality.

5). No blue shadow!

Next, Patty and her team begin to seek out potential girls. She does this by holding interviews with a list of contestants. In these interviews Patty critiques the women. She often degrades their clothes, hair, looks, or profession. She then goes on to choose what women are right or wrong for the bachelor.  Some of her famous quotes in, and following, these particular interviews are as follows:

·      “A man can be drawn across the room with the simplicity of a smile. That's why your pearly whites should always be straight and shiny. I think most of my clients are drawn to a fun, flirty nature in a woman. The problem is, most women do not often feel fun and flirty.”

·      “I don't hate redheads! The millionaire men - wealthy men - never pick them. Every time I offer them they say no. I could say the most gorgeous redhead in the world and they'll say no, they don't want it."

·      “What I do know is that traditional gender roles are very real and flipping the norm is difficult for even the strongest, funniest, smartest men.”

After this, Patty and the team set up a series of dates. These dates range from a large group cocktail party to more intimate one-on-one’s. By the end of the show the millionaire has presumably “found the one.”

In Lippmann et. al.’s article “Isn’t it romantic Differential Associations Between Romantic Screen Media Genres and Romantic Beliefs” the association between exposure to different genres of romantic screen media and idealistic romantic beliefs is explored. One of the most interesting findings, in my opinion, about marriage-themed reality shows  (such as The Millionaire Matchmaker) and the beliefs it perpetrates is that, “Marriage-themed reality show exposure was also positively associated with Idealization, an unpredicted but nevertheless unsurprising finding, given the genre’s simultaneous focus on early stages of relationship development and marriage" (Lippman et. al., p. 136, 2014). The idea that a show like the Millionaire Matchmaker perpetuates an idealized view on relationships is concerning to me. This show is filled with messages about what men and women should do in order to be successful in a relationship. Thinking about this show in terms of Kim et. al.’s article, “From Sex to Sexuality: Exposing the Heterosexual Script on Primetime Time Network Television” I found that The Millionaire Matchmaker had many aspects that could be coded as Sex as Masculinity. One such example is that Patty often refers to men only “thinking through their penis” i.e. could be coded as Men are constantly consumed by sexual thoughts fantasies, and urges (Kim et al., p. 150, 2007). There is also potential fo a a great deal of Feminine and Masculine Courtship Strategies to be coded in this show as throughout the episodes Patty often encourages the women to objectify themselves; telling them to change their hair or clothes. She also strongly promotes the idea of and men actively pursing the women. A few of these examples can be seen in the quotes I mentioned above.

Going back to Lippman et. al.’s article, it is clear that shows like The Millionaire Matchmaker are perpetuating the belief of idealization in reltionships. While Lippman's study frames the association between these shows and idealization as potentially stemming from, “pairing behaviors and symbols more commonly associated with the early stages of romance (e.g., lavish dates, roses) with marriage, ... shown on the show in close relation to the idea of marriage,” I also think it is important to consider that the extremely gendered ideas about love and marriage that the The Millionaire Matchmaker supports may also be something that is being associated with idealization in relationships  (Lippman et. al., p. 137, 2014). Beyond this the fact that The Million are Matchmaker has had such steady viewing is also concerning, as then these beliefs are then being spread to a large number a viewers. While Lippman et. al.’s study doesn’t delve into this, I would like to know more about what aspects are specifically forming this notion of idealization, and if marriage-themed reality shows are actually playing a part in what people believe is the correct and most successful way to obtain a partner in the real world. 

References:

Kim, J. L., Lynn Sorsoli, C., Collins, K., Zylbergold, B. A., Schooler, D., & Tolman, D. L. (2007). From sex to sexuality: Exposing the heterosexual script on primetime network television. Journal of Sex Research, 44(2), 145-157.

Lippman, J. R., Ward, L. M., & Seabrook, R. C. (2014). Isn’t it roamantic? Differential associations between romantic screen media genres and romantic beliefs. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 3(3), 128-140. Doi: 10.1037/ppm0000034