Cosmo: BDSM vs. Rough Sex ... Normalized?

Reading the new issue of Cosmo this month I came across an article called “Some like it Rough” which ties in perfectly (pun intended) to our discussion of Weiss’s article “Mainstreaming Kink: The Politics of BDSM Representation in U.S. Popular Media.”

This article asserts that “liking it rough” is currently pervasive and normalized in mainstream culture and focuses on countering the common view that wanting to be dominated in the bedroom makes one “anti-feminist.” The article begins with a personal narrative where the author discusses her experiences with discussions and portrayals of “rough sex” in the real world and the media. She notes that she first ran in to the discussion of “rough sex” at a party, “I was making small talk with some girls I didn’t even know too well…One of the girls mentioned wishing her boyfriend were rougher in bed … Even wise-decorous party guest seemed to have something to say about say, slapping, and spanking during sex ” (Atik, 2014).  The author notes that “rough sex” is now cocktail conversation providing evidence that BDSM practices have worked their way into the mainstream (Atik, p. 169, 2014). She then goes on to state that many women are interested in forceful sex siting a recent study at North Texas University that found that found, “as many as 57% of women are turned on by the idea of forceful sex” (Atik, 2014). Next the author turns to discussions of the way “forceful sex” has claims that when the book first became popular it was primarily consumed via e-book, being the first book to sell one million copies for the Kindle thus “suggesting that many fans weren’t cool with friends coming over and seeing a fetish-themed book jacket on their coffee table” (Atik, p. 169, 2014). The author then follows up with a discussion of how, three-years later, the racy trailer for the film premiered on morning time Today,“making it official: Kinky rough sex has gone mainstream” (Atik, p. 169, 2014).

The next portion of the article discusses why being dominated is physically and psychologically arousing and it argues that if you, “like it rough you can still be a feminist” (Atik, 2014). The author sites a sex and relationship therapist at Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai to strengthen her argument that wanting to being dominated in the bedroom stems from a biological sexual desire stating, “Physical size and strength and masculinity are essential differences between men and women…and those kinds of differences are going to be erotic,” and “When you’re scared or on edge, blood circulation increases, your pupils dilate, your whole body is in a heightened state of arousal...when you ad a sexual component this can be very pleasurable”(Atik, 2014).

 Next she reaffirms her argument that being dominated in bed does not mean you want to be dominated in any other facet of your life by siting studies about how many women who play dominant roles in the work world or in their relationships enjoy being dominated in bed (Atik, 2014). She ends with the statement, “isn’t being empowered to do what you want—even when it isn’t what you feel is expected of you as a strong, self-possessed woman- what good sex is all about (Atik, 2014)?" 

I find the frame of this article to be beneficial to the mainstreaming of BDSM practices because it asserts that BDSM practices are normal, just that women being dominated in them aren’t and should be. In Weiss’s article about normalizing BDSM in the media she states, “The time line for normalizing minority sexualities is as follows: “first representation and visibility, next acceptance or tolerance of the minority, then an empathetic form of understanding, and finally sexual freedom” (Weiss, 2006).  The discussion of BDSM like action as already being a part of mainstream culture (at parties, on Kindle, on the Today Show, in films) plants the seed that it is indeed normal to participate in BDSM practices, even it isn’t actually one hundred percent accepted yet. This article first and foremost gives BDSM practices representation and visibility because it is in Cosmo is a widely consumed popular media source for men and women who are primarily sexually active, and because it discusses other media forms where BDSM practices are visible. It also presents BDSM practices as being a normal thing to explore, and as being something that many people are actually interested in and willing to discuss in everyday settings. By siting researched data, personal experience, and media portrayals and consumption that advocate for the practices of BDSM, particularly for being dominated as a women (if that’s what your into) the author gives the audience concrete information to help them be see, accept, tolerate, empathize, and create the sexual freedom that Weiss discusses in her article.

My one critique of this article is that it does not explicitly mention BDSM or the BDSM community even though addresses different practices which go under the umbrella of BDSM such as spanking, degrading sex talk, role play, bondage, and choking. There is small section at the very end of the article that is a kind of guide book of "How to play rough” (Atik, 2014). This section takes a page right out of the BDSM community offering guidance such as  establishing what is ok, and having a safe word, and safe methods for beginners interesting in choking and bondage without siting the community at all. It seems that using the term BDSM is almost too abrasive, and its possible that it was not included because it might may scare off readers and deter them from engaging in these kinds of acts. While I believe that this article is a good starting point, one that may be appealing to a wide audience, the fact that BDSM or references to the BDSM community are not explicitly stated shows that while some BDSM practices are gaining mainstream normalization BDSM in total is still a minority sextuality and something that people are afraid of being explicit about (pun intetned, yet again;).

Link to the article online

References

Atik, C. (2014, November). Some like it rough. Cosmopolitan. pp. 169-171.

Weiss, M. (2006). Mainstreaming kink: The politics of BDSM representation in U.S. popular media. Journal of Homosexuality, 50(2/3), 103-132.